my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just pee around me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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