I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
