I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
