I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
