She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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