I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
