Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
