so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
