just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize