I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
