I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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