Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
