24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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