so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
