It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
