I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
