is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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