Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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