I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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