I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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