Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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