oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
