that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
