Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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