I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize