I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
