Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
