I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
