I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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