He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
