i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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