I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
