haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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