Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
