have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
