how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize