Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize