fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
