He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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