I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize