2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
