I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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