just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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