I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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