can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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