woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
