Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize