I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
