Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
