I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
