i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
