I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
