Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
