Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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