I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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