HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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