You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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