Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
