The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize