I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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