I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm at about main and main street
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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