He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
