I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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