I got chris browned last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
