O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
