You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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