I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
