so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
