I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
