I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
