We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found puke in my bra..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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