Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
