we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
