she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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