The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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