Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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