Your mouth is God's brothel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize