everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
