Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
