Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
