Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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