i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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