Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
