You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
